Blog Transition

Dear Friends,

I’m finally transitioning all the content of this blog to its domain http://theultimateanswer.org

Please, read new posts at new location! Last weekend I summarized all feedback on the happiness formula from independent testers and already scheduled its publishing. Check it out!

Have a happy version of reality!

Marina

Volunteer Survey Results Final Analysis

Speaking of volunteering and its results, last December I crafted olpcMAP survey and summarized its results in a presentation olpcMAP Survey Results. On Wednesday, Dec 29, I presented olpcMAP Survey Final Analysis, which interprets survey results and suggests major themes and underlying motives for volunteering.

I was glad to receive feedback and comments at the end of the presentation. Mark Battley agreed about people wanting to have a hobby that realizes their untapped talents. When you develop those talents, you become happier and frequently more successful, and he witnessed it. Ryan and Alexandra commented on tailoring projects for volunteers. We all agreed that  there should be opportunities for 2 hours a week, 2 weeks a year or even 2 years at a time, etc. Then volunteers decide which one is right for them.  Because the same person maybe interested in all three option at different times in his life. It is all about perpetual balance. We all want to find it. Some struggle between choosing a well paid job but no meaning or an low paid project that has a great social value. We are all constantly moving and adjusting our choices to finally find our perfect mix of life variables to reach our personal balance.  Another important comment was about helping people figure out what they are good at or where do they fit as volunteers… Main Take-aways:

1. Help people feel useful and appreciated

2. Design perfect conditions for volunteering

3. Don’t judge people, educate them on what opportunities are available and what   is  possible

4. Create happy social identity

5. Provide facilitation

Download full presentation olpcMAP Survey Final Analysis. Also see my favorite commencement speech ever by Steve Jobs http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc

How to Be a Good Volunteer

Last summer I wrote these tips/reminders for people interested in volunteering abroad, but the majority of them could be useful to volunteers everywhere.

CHOOSE YOUR ROLE. Look at all possible projects and ask yourself two questions: What would I really want to do and what kind of skills do I have? You could bring increased value by helping using your skill set, however you can always try something new if you feel strongly about a particular project. There are many projects and we are sure there will be at least one that speaks to your heart.

SET REALISTIC GOALS by not trying to change the world overnight or help everyone! It is hard for one person to save everyone, sorry, but you are not a superhero. Instead, begin with one person, one animal, or one group that you can help. Then make one achievable goal and work toward it. Always remember, there are a lot of us and our collective volunteer power is strong. All of your efforts are multiplied by the efforts of others.

HAVE REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS about your living conditions and how easy daily tasks should be. Remember, you are not going on vacation: you are doing a project! There will be resistance and obstacles. Sure, you will meet new people and have fun, but it will require hard work in new conditions. Sometimes you will have to share a dorm room with other volunteers; you may encounter cockroaches; have a language barrier or learn that your instructions are not followed etc… It is not the end of the world. You will be there with people who have the same values.  Later in life, perhaps, you’ll remember this time as the best experience, when you were both driven and audacious.

SWITCH OR NOT TO SWITCH, that’s the question when you start to waiver on your project. Do not be hasty. If you do not like your first project, and you feel less skilled think of it as a learning experience. If you feel overwhelmed or have a fear of failing, why not overcome it?  Prove to yourself that you are more than what you thought you were capable of and keep at it.  If you still do not like it or do not feel confident, then switch projects. Maybe you will be exceptionally good at something else.

LEARN. Even if you are an expert, there is always a lesson to be learned. Life is a two-way street: we teach and we learn. You will need to know how to get the assignment done; especially in a new country, things may be very different. This could require learning new skills or using different materials. If you need more training to get ready, ask for the manuals, a demonstration and/or assistance. If you know what to do and how to do it well, it will be easier to help others.

MAKE AN EFFORT! Showing up to do your project is only the first step. It is important to take your volunteer work seriously. You are providing help to people and places that are in real need. Your value to the project is parallel to the effort you put in. Sometimes, it is hard to give 100% to your project, but please try. Specifically, always come on time to your project and be appropriately dressed no matter how much partying occurred the night before or what the thermometer reads that morning. Constantly remind yourself why you signed up to volunteer.

If you push yourself, you will find your own limits, talents, and skills you never knew about. Often people realize their potential is more than what they ever estimated. As you extend yourself, the project will succeed because you gave it 100%. You will amaze yourself and those around you.

POSITIVE ATTITUDE is imperative. Think about those around you who are in need or in trouble. You are there to help them, not bring negative energy. Please, stay upbeat, think of any difficulties as a learning experience, and try to resolve them diplomatically. Always have a positive attitude and demonstrate to others that you are there volunteering by choice.

BE RESPECTFUL Always remember to demonstrate respect for other people and other cultures, no matter how much culture shock you are going through. Keep in mind that your way of thinking or living is not the only one or even the right one. What is normal to you may not be normal to others. If you seriously disagree about something, speak to a project leader first. He or she will consult with you, explain the differences and suggest ways of how to behave in the future. Consider yourself and your actions as an ambassador of your own culture. You want to present yourself well and be respected by others, and this is not achievable if you act snobby or superior. Going to another country means following their rules, as you are a guest, and they are the hosts.

BE FLEXIBLE AND OPEN-MINDED as there maybe a shift in your schedule or a change in your role or responsibilities. It is life. Nothing is permanent in life except for change.

DO NOT GIVE UP! You will all have moments, when you doubt your decision to volunteer. You will have a serious urge to stop and go back to your normal life and to your familiar routine. Sometimes you will feel bored, sometimes exhausted, and sometimes mad at the people you work with who are not cooperating. You may even feel angry with Cheb for getting you involved in being a volunteer. Talk to others and share your problems because you are not alone. Everyone is going through the same phases, but remember this stage is temporary, and it will pass. Always look forward and remember again why you chose to be there. When you finish the project, you will look back and see the progress and be amazed with the results.

BE KIND to others. This could mean your peer volunteers, the project manager, or a local person. You never know what other people are going through as they may be very vulnerable, sad, or dealing with difficult issues. We all need support. If you see someone going through a hard time, try to make him or her smile, offer help or just share your experience. Sometimes all we need are kind words, and also remember people’s privacy. If they do not want to share, please do not force the conversation. If they do engage you, do your best to understand what other people are going through, even if it’s something you’ve never dealt with yourself. You will get so much credit for being kind to someone. Treat others as you would want to be treated, and you will begin to make friends on this adventure as well.

BE SAFE. If you break your leg or get robbed, it will not make your experience efficient or enjoyable. Be prepared in advance and read about cultural norms and safety rules in the area of your project beforehand. Being prepared also means taking the necessary precautions: getting appropriate insurance policies and all needed immunizations, backing up your computer files, pictures, etc. Do not take unnecessary risks. We want you to be safe, so that you can come back and tell about your experiences to others who want to go and continue what you started.

MEASURING YOUR PROGRESS. Many of you will be looking to measure success of your project participation. Did you really make a difference? The answer is yes. Whether you built a house for someone, created a fund-raising campaign, or made a child smile, you did it – you made a change, you made someone happier and improved the world. Additionally, in the process of volunteering, we are sure you improved yourself by simply making an effort to be a better human.

Shared Wisdom and Resources

I’ve been looking for websites about happiness and self-improvement. Those who seek shall find. While I was sitting at Peet’s Coffee&Tea  in Santa Monica I noticed a man next to me creating an elaborated chart, looking like a fishbone in Corel which reminded me  a cause – effect tool from my consulting life. I asked him what it was. Charles told me that he is working  on the website Keys to self-motivation. He just started this website and the fishbone is one of his ideas to be posted soon. As Charles explained he has 20 years of experience in construction and he saw many men floating through life like lost boats, living day by day without having concrete goals not only career-wise but in other aspects of their life. So the fishbone is to create more structure and direct people where they want to go. Charles’ wife also has a website Detox Vortex, it is about living healthy.

We had a very interesting discussion and shared our knowledge on the topic. One of the websites Charles suggested is Self-growth. The site has numerous resources for those who have the time and interest to learn different techniques. We both appreciate Steve Pavlina blog, which has thousands of great posts (it’s been around since 2004).

I told Charles about his potential competitor My life list and about Daily feats, a site that suggests good deeds for you and gives you points for completing them.

A friend recommended to me a site about how to get over difficult time in one’s life Out of stress. Through I’m happy project I connected with Rachel, who has a website Undercurrent coaching. I mentioned before Ricky’s site Life long happiness. Subscribe to blogs you like, find inspiring quotes about life, love and helping others. Visit Quote Garden.

If you are very depressed and want help, try Depression Support Help and Psychology Info. I recently found National Empowerment Center (NEC) website. There are many depression and suicide prevention organizations… Just type the words “depression help”… and there will be a list to choose from.

What I recommend the most is…  go and volunteer… You will learn everything in comparison: your pain, their pain, the world’s pain. You’ll see how making other people happy will make you feel. Don’t expect to get anything in return for your help to others. Just do it. Ad you will see the difference soon… “One must really have suffered oneself to help others” ~Mother Teresa.

If you want to start your own project and need fundraising or want to invest into somebody’s project, check out Crowdrise, Kiva, Profounder, Kickstarter and Donorchoose.

There are lots of interesting meet-ups about how to become happy. One of them is run by Dr. Amy Coget in San Francisco. I never met Amy but her positive attitude is contagious. She runs The San Francisco Happiness Club.

This year on the International happiness day, July 10, she created Smile Mob Event: “We will be giving away free smiles and free hugs too!  If you wanted more happiness in your life and to celebrate your own and others happiness then join us at the SF Happiness Club.  After participating in a smile mob this past week, I guarantee you will gain a great happiness boost!”

And finally, there will be another group testing of the happiness formula in Cambridge, MA on Aug 10 at 7 PM in Algiers Café in Harvard Square. All participants will be able to try the latest version of the tool,  create their own happiness formula, help others to increase their happiness and provide feedback. Everyone is welcome to attend!

Great Life Happiness Manual

I met Ricky a couple of days ago at “I’m happy project” meet-up in Santa Monica. I learned about his website, which I studied thoroughly and I found a lot of great quotes, posts,  audio and video material. This one is my favorite:

It reminded this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI. The lyrics are taken from a famous essay — written in 1997 by Mary Schmich, a columnist with the Chicago Tribune — which gives some amazing advice for life, highly recommend everyone to watch the video or read this http://tinyurl.com/schmich-sunscreen!

Live Group Testing of the Happiness Tool in Santa Monica, CA

There were seven of us in Urth Cafe in Santa Monica at 7PM on Wednesday. Due to traffic I was a little stressed, but “Peace of mind” tea cured it all. I was pleasantly surprised with overall attendance: 6 people showed up from 10 RSVPs which is pretty high.

We gathered in the courtyard, where it is more quiet, plenty of shade and more space in comparison to the main room. After quick introduction, participants scattered around the courtyard and completed the forms with 20 questions.

While I was entering numbers from the first set of forms into the Excel file and calculating participants’ happiness ratios, they wrote questions about their obstacles of happiness.  We rotated the second set of  forms among participants, so that each of them had a chance to answer other people’s questions. The questions were about romantic life, work life balance, connecting to people better, etc.

At the end everyone received two forms back: one with their happiness ratio and the other with answers to their questions. We had a discussion and the feedback was most valuable. Kim enjoyed giving answers, while writing her own questions was hard.

Warren said that he tried to answer questions as best as he could because he knew how important it was for the other person and that person’s happiness depended on it. He also mentioned that it would be nice to do this test every morning, because it is a good check for someone’s life. Warren was surprised at the complexity of the test. Even though there were just twenty questions, they do cover all sources of happiness and the happiness ratio is correct.

I was asked “What does the ratio mean?” and the answer is “of everything you want for your happiness how much do you think you have right now”. I was curious if the exercise helped to focus on what participants have or what they don’t have. Kim said that for her it was about understanding how many good things she has in her life and about being grateful for them.

I explained that this assessment could work both ways: it could either direct you to lower your expectations or help achieve what you need the most in your life (being more proactive).

As we drove back my friend, who also participated in the event, said that she wrote a question and the answer was not new to her but it was reassuring to hear it from a stranger, which just reconfirmed that she really needs to do it and really focus on it. Imagine that 100 people read your question and gave you 100 great answers. Even  if you don’t act upon their recommendation, it is possible that  you will be happier simply because so many people care about you and your happiness.

It turned out that one of the participants Ricky has a great website Lifelong happiness, he gave us special bracelets, which are part of the 30 day challenge. I checked his website out after the event and was very impressed. All the content on the website is to help people to achieve happiness in life. One of the quotes is ”Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. ~Mother Teresa”

As for the testing of the tool in San Francisco that was planned for June 30, only one person showed up who happens to be my friend  We waited for the rest of the folks in Epicenter Cafe for about 40 minutes and then went to Udupi Palace for an Indian dinner. I didn’t get upset that others didn’t show up because I realized that on Thursday before the 4th of July many people may decide to travel or run last minute errands, so I was totally fine with having a dinner with my friend instead. But that same day he introduced me to a guy who was really interested in the tool and I promised to send it to him. If I can help one person learn something that will help him find his happiness I’m happy.

Live Group Testing of the Happiness Tool in Boston

In spite of rain, four people showed up for the testing last Wednesday: two men and two women. I only knew one person out of four, the rest were from I’m Happy Project Meet-up group.

We met in the courtyard of the Boston Public Library, which has a beautiful fountain. I briefly gave an overview of the project. It is interesting that one of the attendees was a Sociology professor who is going to write a book about happiness. After I distributed the forms to the attendees and explained the rules, we moved to one of the rooms in the library and the participants took seats at different tables. The point was to simulate isolated environment and be anonymous as if we were home completing forms online, not next to other humans present.  

After participants completed the forms anonymously they dropped them in the bag and I rated the forms via the tool I have in Excel and wrote their ratios of happiness on the forms. While I was rating, participants formulated two questions about their obstacles to happiness and wrote them down (also anonymously) on the second form. We rotated the question forms between 4 tables, and everyone had a chance to answer other people’s questions and got answers to their own questions. They also recorded their high and low points… of the day (or of their life as of today). The whole exercise took about one hour.

 
At the end we briefly discussed the session. Participants felt that their ratios were about right. And it turned out that everyone enjoyed writing answers for others even more than receiving answers to their own questions… And one person mentioned “I felt closer to you than before, even though we are strangers… As if we are close friends, we shared very important things with each others.”

There will be two more live sessions in San Fran and LA over next two weeks, I will also summarize feedback from individual testers in other posts. Thank you to all testers!

 

 

A Graduation Speech

I received an invitation to my 5 year graduate school reunion. What I remember the most about my graduation is the graduation speech and not by some honorary guests, but by a student. I went to school part-time and at the graduation ceremony I hardly knew anyone because the majority of grads were from the full-time program. It was my first graduation in the States and I felt both excited and scared, because I had no idea about - what is next? Back then sitting among 900 graduates I had fear of not finding a job, never mind finding a great job. I still don’t know who that student was, but I remember what he said.

The speech was about some person: after the war he was a graduate student in anthropology and worked as a journalist at the city News Bureau of Chicago, then he worked in public relations and was a technical writer for General Electric, later a volunteer fire-fighter, teacher at the University of Iowa Writer’s workshop, and a manager at the first Saab dealership established in the US…  

I was thinking: “Who could be so scattered and unfocused?” To my amazement, it was my favorite writer Kurt Vonnegut, the author of one of the best American novels of the 20^th century “Slaughterhouse Five”.

The speech continued and its main message was to not be afraid of not finding your passion, you just need to try different things and stay true to yourself, and then you will eventually find your calling, as Kurt Vonnegut did by becoming a writer.  That graduation speech gave me hope.  

Kurt Vonnegut passed away 10 months later at the age of 84. He was known for his humanist beliefs and was honorary president of the American Humanist Association.  Vonnegut considered humanism to be a modern-day form of free thought, and advocated it in various writings, speeches and interviews. In 1992, the American Humanist Association named him the Humanist of the Year. In a letter to AHA members, Vonnegut wrote: “I am a humanist, which means, in part, that I have tried to behave decently without expectations of rewards or punishments after I am dead.”

Kurt Vonnegut is my inspiration and his books helped me to stay positive even during difficult times in my life. His contagious black humor and compassion for imperfect humans made my life better. Here are some of my favorite quotes from his books:

“I was a victim of a series of accidents, as we all are”

“I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can’t see from the center”

“If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you’re a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind”

“The bounties of space, of infinite outwardness, were three: empty heroics, low comedy, and pointless death”

“When you get right down to it, everybody’s having a perfectly lousy time of it, and I mean everyone. And the hell of it is, nothing seems to help much”

“The worst thing that could possibly happen to anybody would be to not be used for anything by anybody. Thank you for using me, even though I didn’t want to be used by anybody”

“I found me a place where I can do good without doing any harm, and I can see I’m doing good, and them I’m doing food for know I’m doing it, and they love me, Unk, as best they can. I found me a home”

“The Earthlings behaved at all times as though there were a big eye in the sky—as though that big eye were ravenous for entertainment”

“New knowledge is the most valuable commodity on earth. The more truth we have to work with, the richer we become”

“A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved”

International Happiness Day is on July 10

I just found out about this website and International Happiness Day, which was proposed back in 2008 by a person from Portugal. On the website you can find a letter to the UN to promote Happiness and Peace on Earth. They will need 50 mln signatures. It is a cool idea and I put my signature on it. Check it out for yourself. Hello,   My name is sign now! and I live in sign now!. I recently found out about International Happiness Day on July 10th. I am writing to you because I see the importance of commemorating this worthy cause world wide. Over the years we have come to take cause in the fundamental human experiences beyond technology and economics and have noticed there was an overlooking of important concepts like the air we breathe, the food we eat, the water we drink. We have Dr. Robert Muller, Former Assistant Secretary General for the United Nations, who saw the importance of holding a worldwide environmental conference. We also so the with the UN supported universities of Peace. As the environment becomes more of a concern and our need for peace on Earth starts getting attention, it is imperative for our world to embrace simple human experiences such as happiness and love. By acknowledging and supporting the cause of International Happiness day, it would help me know that happiness is my birthright and I was born here, that happiness is a state of being that starts with a choice to be happy! It is your duty as my UN representative to take my request serious and know that as other countries have forged forward with their own happiness emphasis, i.e. Bhutan and Gross National Happiness, other countries are making headway as well. The reason why happiness is so important to me and everyone I know is because of all of the great benefits that come with it, such as better health. By commemorating this July 10th, 2011 as an International Happiness day, I as a global citizen will practice gratitude, love, joy, optimism and forgiveness at each and every opportunity. Please embrace and support this initiative, it could be the greatest day our planet has ever experienced! All my best in happiness, sign now!

Purpose+Passion=

Those, who don’t have the time for a whole week of audio course about Life of Purpose or don’t have the money to do Tony Robbins training, which I was told costs about 10K, but still want to learn about purpose and how to apply it to their lives, should try for free what I did last year at the Strategic Volunteering Workshop. It works!

It was one of those Mondays when you don’t want to get out of your bed, especially when you are not employed. I still made an effort and took the train to Downtown Crossing to attend Strategic Volunteering workshop at the Work Place.  I didn’t have any expectations, just signed up because I truly believe in volunteer work, to me  it means not giving something away but sharing and enriching ourselves and the world around us. I was curious to see what others have to say about strategic volunteering.

The instructor Mark McCurdy, also Founder and President of The Nonprofit Career Coach, delivered an interesting presentation to 10 participants. Main idea was to follow your heart, find what you love to do and focus on it… You would say that we all know this concept as it was mentioned in many philosophical schools, religions and books like The Alchemist and The Monk who sold his Ferrari, etc. True, but the twist is that you apply this concept to volunteering, meaning – not necessary leaving your current day-time job and switching to something else right away.

Volunteering is a way to connect you with your passion, which at the end may lead you to your perfect job you just don’t know how to find yet … As often we have one idea of what we want to do but in reality it may become  something different. As Tony Robbins said “Sometimes you need to lose your dreams to find your destiny”.

I also liked how Mark explained the process of finding what you love to do and implementing it, that is how to connect several elements which are  Passion+Purpose+Strategic Volunteering +Focus

Very often we only focus on passion or purpose but never connect both, never mind applying them to reality by doing volunteer work or seriously focusing on it. So here is what I got out of this workshop:

What is your passion/favorite hobby/interest or what are you good at? I like to ask questions and connect to people through conversation/story, also I’m interested in volunteering.

What community/population do you like to serve? To help unhappy lost people.  Because I was depressed myself in the past, I want to help unhappy people.

How do you think you combine the two into strategic volunteering?  Besides doing this blog and telling about volunteering, I may want to reach out to whole communities of depressed people and write newsletters for them about ways to get involved in volunteer work,  create workshops and events for them.

Focus on what you defined - narrow your goal and be consistent… I spoke to Mark that instead of general population I should focus on non-profits and groups that support communities of depressed people/victims of depression. Mark mentioned that “Collaboration is King” (not cash anymore). He also suggested doing video/audio interviews of volunteers/non-profits for http://nptimes.com/, which is almost like TV show about volunteering world. All I have to do is to focus on these ideas and act upon them – be proactive and reach out to those organizations/communities and create samples of my work.

Imagine that you were at the same workshop, what would you come up with? How many people do you know who decided to do something they are very passionate about even though it was not their profession and they became very successful by eventually pursuing it?